My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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