I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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