Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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