Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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