I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ugly people sure do ruin things
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
