thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
