There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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