Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
