I love black thongs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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