Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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