Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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