Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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