You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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