How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
