so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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