dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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