we have officially lost it.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
