Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
