her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
