i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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