Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this boner is exhausting
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
