$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
