so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
