Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
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Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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