you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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