"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
