Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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