At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
