I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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