Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
