My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize