if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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