There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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