just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
