This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
