You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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