I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
