What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
