Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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