I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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