He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
