I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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