having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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