I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
