Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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