Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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