either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
