Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
