he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
