Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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