We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
