one might say we're banned from that church
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
