the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I lost the right to judge tonight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
