im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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