I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
