3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
