I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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