i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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