after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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