i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
