we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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