where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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